Newsflash: All Western women are U.G.L.Y

I went to the pub a few weeks ago with some friends, and at the table next to us was another Brit. He was in his 50s and we happily chatted about the craft beer craze that is taking over Bangkok. Then out of the blue he asked me if it was hard to be a woman in Thailand.

Thinking that he meant it was difficult because although women are often the dominant forces in families and communities, and despite the fact that Thailand currently has a female prime minister, women still get a rougher deal here than they do back in the UK. So I launched into a discussion about women’s position in society only to be shot down with a laugh and a bold statement ” no, no. no – because Thai women are so attractive”.

Now this chap was accompanied by a pretty Thai lady who spoke excellent English and seemed to be enjoying his company. But I didn’t sit there worrying that I was in some way inferior because I was western, although I admit I was a teensy bit jealous of her amazing coral pink killer heels.

Who you find attractive is a matter of taste and of course he is entitled to date whoever he wishes. But there was no need to assume that I should be depressed about the way I look. I brush my hair and I occasionally paint my nails. Whilst my eyebrows sometimes look a little mad scientist in the early morning, I always wet them down with a bit of water. Such. A. Catch.

I can only assume he was badly heartbroken by a western woman, leaving him incapable of finding love again with a fair skinned lady. The same thing happened to a senior member of staff at my old office. He announced in a meeting that marrying a British woman changed a man for the worse, and that’s why he moved to Asia. He must have thought I was American or something. But let’s get back to the shallow end rather than get bogged down in emotional detail.

Of course, there are many beautiful women in Thailand. There are plenty of very pretty ladies in London (where I used to live) too – but I never walk the streets feeling like an outcast because I do not fit with his (and we all know he’s one of many) version of attractiveness. I do stand out a little in Bangkok. Sometimes on the sky train I am head and shoulders above most people, and I feel sorry for those stuck in my armpits. My blonde hair makes me recognisable in a crowd, great for when I wander off like a small child.

The definition of beauty is an interesting one and very much down to an individual perspective. But I believe it is the whole package, rather than simply the wrapping. It still annoys me that people like this chap feel that they can go around making sweeping statements about the looks of an entire hemisphere in this way. He was not my type, but I would never ask him if his girlfriend was only with him for his money…

Sadly you don’t have to go far in Bangkok to stumble across a couple in which the woman is with a man for the security he provides rather than for love. I’m not looking to be arm candy, and I am lucky enough to be able to look after myself, although I am perfectly happy for anyone, from princesses to toads, to deal with the cockroach under the sink.

I’m cool in my world, but not so cool about to views he’s broadcasting from his. Because what IS depressing is that women are always being compared and judged against each other in the looks department above anything else.

Being all repulsive and British
Scaring some strawberry tarts with my western looks.

18 thoughts on “Newsflash: All Western women are U.G.L.Y

  1. must rate as one of your best blogs yet! xxxx

    On 10 June 2013 16:59, Bangkok I Love You Blog

  2. He’s just a Brit with yellow fever! Don’t let what’s a man think effect or even linger in your thought. This is so not worth blogging about! No I’m not critizicing YOU but telling you that the incident shouldn’t worth mentioning again. Like we don’t talk about mentally ill people unless we are family…in that sense…lol. I would have told the Brit “Not as hard at all in comparable, it would be much easier than you living and trying to get a (genuine)date in England.” BTW I’m Thai by birth and HATE the western guys that come in to my country just to get (or buy) women attention because they can with passion. I’m not argue that the Thai women are the one accepted and make a career for themselves but its happening all over the world due to the big gap between the material rich people and the argricultural poor in material people that want to try to live the life that they thought more glamorous….Sadly…I wish I can stop that!

    1. Haha! I wish I could have come up with a witty response! Some people are better ignored, especially if they have such unsavoury views.

      It is so sad that women are taking advantage of in this way and feel that the only option is to turn to a man with money to get by.

  3. I have live and worked in Bangkok for ten years now. Yes, Thai girls on the whole tend to be attractive, but you’re stunning, not only your looks but your general perspective on life and your attitude. I also would bet that you have a great sense of humour. Good on you – you’ve a lot going for you. Jeff

  4. This man’s attitude is common among long term expat men in Bangkok. This is because that population includes a high number of men who have failed in relationships with women in their home country. There is still a high proportion of poor women in Thailand (mainly in the north-east and north), so expat men think they can re-purchase their self-esteem by being financially generous to a local. The relationships often break down (there is a lot of research on ‘parachute brides’) because the problem is with the man’s attitudes, not with the woman – wherever she is from.
    Interestingly, you get the reverse in Ghana, where there is a big tourism trade in European women going to find local men. Some of the women become long term residents and often express the same attitude as the man in your blog, saying how ugly white men are.
    Very sad that a failure to be capable of loving someone drives people to do these things, and that people in poor countries are at the receiving end of a problem they did nothing to create.

    1. Interesting to hear about Ghana, I had seen a show about sex tourism for women before but I hadn’t imagined that they would have the same attitude. When I see an older chap with a young woman who he’s obviously paying for, I feel so many different emotions and thoughts. It is terribly sad.

  5. Well crafted article of your thoughts. Simply amazing. I hope to read more stories of Thailand from the eyes of a foreigner.

    1. Thanks for the nice comment! I’ve been wanting to write more about how it feels to live here, but I was worried about sharing my opinions, so it is very nice to get such good feedback.

  6. I think you make a really valid point. Someone back home told me that i was “obviously not going to bother trying to meet anyone” while I was in Thailand because all the foreigners want to date beautiful Thai women and won’t date me. This statement frustrated me for two reasons. One – it assumes that I am always on the lookout for a relationship. Newsflash – I’m a busy woman with friends and a social life. It will happen when it happens. Two – like you mentioned, it’s basically saying that as soon as you step foot in an Asian country you are magically unattractive to Western men. I think for some it’s not so much about how attractive you are but the type of relationship they will get. I know a lot of guys who think of Thai women in that typical subservient, always wanting to please stereotype. And I think that is part of the reason why dating a Thai woman is so attractive, to the point that some men won’t even consider a Western woman an option.

  7. It actually sounds as if you are using an incident to do a bit of white male bashing. You are rather young to assume anything especially that the man in question made his remark because he had experienced heartbreak in his own country at the hands of a woman. Really, if we are ever to move away from the man versus woman stalemate people who write journals/blogs have to think before they write.

    Of course, as pointed out by the female fan club posting here, there are men from the west who have been unsuccessful in western relationships or perhaps actually been unable to make one at all. Surely those people should be understood and sympathised with rather than reviled by women? Ladies, indeed?

    I had a very lovely female farang friend here who found life difficult; she could not get a date! She was very smart and pretty too but suffered because most men want to date asians. Sadly, she went home six months ago. There was nothing wrong with her but nevertheless she did not find life here easy so it’s a perfectly normal question.

    In my experience dating women of the same age in England is almost impossible as most seem obsessed with ‘all the bad men’ they have met and not only do they spout all this hate under the guise of feminism they judge every man they meet with that tarnished yardstick. A chap does not have much chance.

    All relationships between Thai and westerner were not initiated in a bar between a desperate uneducated woman and a fat, balding msyoginist in possession of only a slightly better education but even if they were are they not a perfect fit and likely to make each other happy for a while? I believe women hate these guys because they have found an alternative to western women.

    Please let’s not pretend that there is not a major economic dimension to western relationships. Both here and in the west the man has always been expected to furnish his wife or paramour with a house, vehicles and salary while she nurtures children. The difference is that in the west the man will suffer far more for his mistakes if things go bad in a relationship. He may suffer here for his choice of a Thai bar girl or he may not; who are we to judge.

    My current Thai partner, despite her youth is the best match, psychologically and emotionally speaking I have ever made. I am happier with her than any western partner I have had and I can assure you she is not subservient. Relationships may last or they may not.

    In conclusion I think this article although a valid response to ex pat life should not have been used to bash anyone. Given some of the factors that may make life difficult for a western woman, male sex tourists, anti-female feeling, mysoginy, anachronistic attitudes about a ‘woman’s place’, I think the question asked was valid?

      1. The view point I just received from his profile pic was not very welcome let me tell you!

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